Did I make the right choice?

I’ve been struggling lately with nursing.  When I don’t know something or make a mistake (don’t worry, never a life or death thing, it’s usually paper work stuff), I always question if I should have known that or if I’m just dumb. The worst part is that it always feels like I’m making mistakes in front of the people that gossip!  Ugh.   It’s such a frustrating feeling. Does anyone else feel like this? Or has anyone gone through this?

Staff Room War – Nursing Edition

One of the things I hate most is bullying.  I feel like girl bullying is the worst because half the time you don’t even know it’s being done to you or why you are the victim.  Horizontal bullying (acting hostile or aggressive to another person), in my opinion, is typically what girls do.

Due to the sometimes subtle nature of horizontal bullying, I didn’t realize how bad it was on my ward until now.  For example, one young nurse is so cold to others because she has been given the cold shoulder by all the older nurses.  She is so kind, and will help a young nurse in a heartbeat.  But if you’re an older nurse who has given her the cold shoulder, she has lost all respect for them.  Another example I’ve heard of is about another young nurse who put her dirty work shoes in the wrong place.  Unfortunately, for whatever reason, she kept forgetting to not put it that location.  Apparently one day, an older nurse got fed up with her and threw her shoes out.  Finally, we come to my example.  I accidentally left my lunch at work.  Today was day two so I asked if my co-worker could grab it and I would pick it up from her place.  Turns out my lunch is not there, but a more senior nurse’s aide’s lunch is…that’s been there for a week (don’t ask how I know, I just do).

I can’t tell you what I’ve done to piss anyone off.  I sincerely try to help as much as I can, be as nice to everyone, and just try to be the best nurse I can be.  Yes, food gets mouldy.  But none of my food has gone mouldy after only two days in the fridge.

Maybe I’m being too sensitive, but I seriously think this is so mean.  Who the hell throws out someone’s lunch?

I’ve been caught

Remember how I was saying I felt like a fraud? Well, they’ve found out.

I had to work with a tubing I was not familiar with. I asked a staff member, who provides education to the ward, to help me. No problem. She asked if I wanted to do it, I said no, I would prefer to watch first. I didn’t tell her this, but I get super flustered when I’m put on the spot to do something. I had the policy printed out, giving the step-by-step details. I had briefly read it the night before. I had an idea of what it was for, and what it did, but I couldn’t tell you every little detail of how and why this type of drainage needed to be done.

Sure enough, I got asked questions and FAILED miserably. On top of that, my day began to get more stressful. I got more flustered. The only thing getting me through the day, and not dwelling on it, was that I was going out to dinner that night.

So I went on with my night after work. Had some food and drinks with good company. Came home, chatted with my mom, and then the waterworks came. I felt miserable, terrible, embarrassed, angry, mad, and most of all..a real fraud.

I know it was one mistake and it happens. I know that my patient was safe, and will continue to be safe, under my care. But I feel like I’m being watched now.

Has this happened to anyone?

I’m a fraud

Ok. I’m not a real fraud. But I feel like one sometimes.

I recently graduated from college and passed my licensing exam to be a nurse (in case that wasn’t evident in my username). I was so excited when I finally got a job and started practicing this summer. I was getting a great amount of hours. I had flexibility with my hours too. I was able to pick up as many (or as little) amount of hours. On top of all of this, I was about to go to Europe. Guess that gave me a goal to work as hard as I did.

Now, I’m not sure what to do. Ever since I came home from Europe, I get anxiety before work. I nearly cry before I go to work everyday. I feel like that kid that wants to play hooky, but I want to play hooky for life.

It’s a frustrating thing. I really enjoy the people I work with. Would I be best friends outside of work with all of them? Probably not. But I also know it’s pretty rare to actually enjoy most of the people you work with.

Are there any other nurses that feel or have felt this way?

I’m not sure where I stand with this whole situation. I’m “too young”/too early in the nursing game to qualify for anything. I need to stay at least a year or maybe two in the ward I’m in right now to “gain experience”. We’ll see what happens.

Research Complete

I’ll be honest.  I literally googled “best products for periods travel”.  I may have been watching the Big Bang Theory while typing that.  The following is what I found:

http://www.kotex.com/na/articles-info/go-with-the-flow-traveling-with-your-period/10105

http://toolkit.bootsnall.com/womens-travel-guide/aunt-flo-on-the-road.html (I like how they have a disclaimer that they are not doctors)

http://softcup.com (I am a sucker for good deals.  Anytime I find a deals, I will post em)

If you do choose to use birth control as a way to “control” your periods, I suggest going to your doctor, call *811 (A BC nurse/pharmacist hotline), talk to a doctor on https://medeo.ca or find you local https://www.optionsforsexualhealth.org/clinic-services/opt-clinics clinic.

Now let’s see if I’ll take my own advice.  I need to figure out how to control mine!

Wanderlust

I apparently deleted my first post. Luckily I found it (thanks to
Deanna‘s comment). Here’s what I wrote:

I have been in post-secondary school for nearly a decade.  I come from a family where completing post secondary education is put on a pedestal.  So, for almost a decade, I have been doing nothing but figuring out what I want to do when I grow up.  When I finally chose nursing, there was a feeling of both excitement and sadness.  I was excited to finally be studying something where my classes actually had a direct purpose in my future career.  However, I was sad that my “college lifestyle” would eventually be coming to an end.  Nonetheless, the time has come and I have finally graduated.  So now what?

Well, I went on vacation with my family as a grad present/I need to relax/I want to travel.  I will be honest, we were in an all-inclusive resort and anyone who has been in one knows it’s a cushy life (whether its a 3 or 5 star resort).  Despite being sad to leave my boyfriend at home and go on a family trip, I felt I really needed to decompress and be on a nice beach in the Carribean (technically the Atlantic, can you figure out where I went?).  I got on the plane both excited and nervous.  All I could think about was “when was the last time I went on a trip with my parents?!?!”

Well, it turned out to be a very interesting trip.  Of all the all-inclusive, cushy, beach-y trips I’ve been on (not that I’ve been on a lot), this was probably the only one where I actually enjoyed the culture as well as the resort. The hospitality on this island was unreal.  Of course, tourism is where a lot of their money come from.  Now back to the culture.  Yes yes, this island has lots of interesting history and it took our tour guide 3 hours to only give a SparkNotes version of their history.

However, the culture is something I could get on board with.  I’ve been fortunate to get to see and hear about many countries and cultures.  At the end of the day, I love latin culture and music.  It speaks to me.  Another thing I love is how much they love women.  Now, this island in particular didn’t seem to objectify women they way other countries do.  They just seemed to love women – short, tall, skinny, thick, blonde, brunette, black, white, purple.  It simply didn’t matter, if they thought you were  cute, they wouldn’t be afraid to tell you.  I love that. So, when one guy made more of an effort than the others, I let him boost my ego up a bit if you know what I mean ;).

Now you’re probably wondering “But you have a boyfriend!”.  This is true.  I love him and I’m not a 10/10 gorgeous super model, but he knows that guys still try me and he knows I would never cheat on him.  So, let me get back to the ego boosting guy I was speaking about.  He left a mark on me after we said goodbye.  At first I was thinking “aw yeah.  Still got it.” But then I realized that there was something else.  There had to be reason I bumped into this guy.  So I thought maybe God was trying to challenge me and test my relationship.  It probably was, but it has been nearly a week and I just couldn’t figure it out.  Until now.

I think I need to re-evalute my relationship and what my short-term and long-term goals are. All I can say is I need to travel.